Have you ever been so happy that you cried? Not a cute cry, but an ugly "I can't stop these tears from falling" kind of cry. This has been happening to me over the past few days. Granted, my hormones are still all over the place but I can honestly say that this is the happiest I have ever been in my life.
I mentioned in my last post that I entered a season of surrender and detachment from the outcomes that I'd planned for myself. It's been a challenging year, but I finally began to relax about this life thing and just allow God to do his work without me getting in the way. We can make all the plans we want, but if God decides that we're not ready as yet, he will re-route us...and no, he doesn't ask permission to do so.
According to mans plan, my second son wasn't scheduled to be here for another 2 weeks or so, yet he's now a week old after surprising Kenny and I on the date that we became "official" 12 years ago. Today, we are celebrating our 7th year of marriage and it just feels like my heart is overflowing with the amount of love I'm receiving and putting forth towards my family.
Last night alone I wrote almost two pages down in my gratitude about what I was grateful for just yesterday alone.
With the birth of KC, it's as if there is simply no room for the things I was worrying about before he got here. While I have big dreams, the past few days have put things back into perspective for me and reminded me of what I'm made for - motherhood. This is what I prayed for, what I told God I would do anything for and where I feel the most content.
Despite being sleep deprived and the fact that I haven't combed my hair in days, my husband told me last night that this is the most "at ease" I've looked in a long time. I feel it.
My pregnancy flew by because mentally I was somewhere else forcing things to happen the way I wanted them to. However, now that my new little guy is here, I feel back in alignment as I take care of him and his brother.
This morning my husband asked, "Did you ever think this would be your life when we met?". We laughed about it so hard, I mean, who knew? It was the most random way to meet. However, still knowing what I know now - all the things we've been through - I would endure it again if it meant that I would still be led to amount of happiness I'm feeling in this very moment.