Whatever Yo : On Accepting The Current State of My Body

Belle Jhéanell
Hat: Forever 21 | Blouse: Joyce Leslie | Shorts: Target | Shoes: DollHouse

I haven't shared a style post in quite some months now. I'm not gonna lie, my plan was to nix that entire category from my blog until I get back to my ideal weight. However, I started to realize that I'm absolutely nuts for putting certain aspects of my life on hold (even beyond the blog) because I've been struggling with my weight. A couple weeks ago I made a fat joke about myself because I was so convinced that my entire family was thinking to themselves, "Damn she got big!" after not seeing me for a while. Isn't crazy how we can convince ourselves that other people are just as obsessed with our (perceived) flaws as we are? I figured, if I made the joke and got it out the way, then I can move on with my day without worrying that they were judging me. But honestly, they probably weren't even focusing on my weight, that was just me being insecure. I've been having to check myself lately, "Nobody is thinking about you. It's all in your head". Of course everyone laughed, and I don't fault them, that was the point of the joke - but when I got in bed that night, I had a come to Jesus moment. "Girl, what the f**k is wrong with you?". Here's the thing, having extra weight on my frame is not the worse thing that can happen to me, and it's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Yea the definition in my arms are gone and I have some rolls in my back but honestly, I'm still cute and my husband is totes obsessed with my butt these days! Most, importantly, my heart and soul haven't change, I'm still a good person. Isn't that what REALLY matters? The number on the scale isn't permanent, so in the meantime, I'm going to appreciate my body for what it is and be grateful that I'm healthy. Genetically, I'm not a small girl. For me to stay at fighting weight, I have be extremely intentional about every single thing I put in my mouth, be active consistently and not be under an immense about of stress. If I'm not super focused, it's just not happening for me. As a mom, wife, blogger, and entrepreneur who is constantly juggling all these roles, my schedule, everyone else's schedule, taking care of everyone's needs and fulfilling tons of obligations - sometimes I forgot to put myself on the list. I can't do E V E R Y T H I N G at a 100% without feeling burned out. I have to fail at something, I am human after all. Besides, life is on the upswing right now and going too well for me to not enjoy it because I have a muffin top. Plus, waist trainers are annoying and it's too hot for all that.

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If there's one thing I know for sure, if you decide to make a change to your body, you've got to make sure that you're going it for you and not for the approval of society. I've seen body shaming towards girls that are "too skinny", "are too muscular", "are too fat", too this or too that! Seems like unless you're an instagram model with a huge fake booty, people seem to have a problem. At the end of the day, you just have to love yourself and do you. You might actually not mind the way you look but may be trying to change it because you FEEL like you're SUPPOSED to...not because you actually want to. Think about it.

What we focus on is what we attract more of. The more I complain that "I'm fat", the more I feel worse about myself, which leads to more stress, which then translates to more weight. See how that works? For a moment, I even thought of not sharing this photo set, but this was an amazing day and a dope outfit, so whatever yo!