Only If It Makes Me Happy

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This weekend we started the process of getting the house ready for Thanksgiving dinner. For those of you who have been here for a really long time, you may remember when my then fiancée built some tables for us to use for the many parties that we host. There has been lots of wear and tear over the years, so he took it apart to re-enforce it before our upcoming dinner. So many things have happened since that he built that table just about five years ago. And just like I did in 2008, I sat in the very same backyard watching him work. This time though, we had just celebrated 4 years of marriage and I was multi-tasking by keeping a watchful eye on our 10 month old son.

This weekend another person passed away from my home town - the second one in the past three weeks. Both were in my age group, and while I didn't know them personally but it's been sad to read all the facebook status' of our mutual friends mourning their losses. These people were so young.

I've come to look at death differently since my daughters passing. It's certainly made me appreciate even the smaller details that I once overlooked. For the first time in years, I feel sharp again. In the past two years I've gotten pregnant twice, mourned the loss of one of those children, am adjusting to motherhood with my son, moved out of state and the list goes on and on. A lot has happened. I've finally found a way to grieve without taking my self out for an entire day, I've come a long way with my PTSD - I feel good.

I've been on a mission to happiness and I've arrived. I know that as adults, we sometimes have to do things that aren't so fun to reap the benefits later...but what if later doesn't come? I want to be happy now. Today. Right this moment. Weekends like this one makes me happy. Going on a date with my husband, eating food that my trainer won't be happy about and being with Grey. Simple things like watching my husband work in the backyard and seeing how much his son is focused on what he's doing makes me happy. My little family is everything to me, and while I sometimes worry about our future, I know that everything is going to be just fine. Why worry? The money will come. The opportunities will come. Of course I have to work for them, but they're coming so I won't use an ounce of worry anymore.

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I'm currently in the process of transitioning into a work at home position because well, that what will make me happy and works for my family. This will allow me to do all the things that make me happy (like being home with my baby) but with a guaranteed paycheck as I'm in the beginning of building my dream career.

Don't worry about what everyone else is doing or what they think you should do. Only you know what your situation really is, and you have to live with your choices every day.

If there are things in your life that aren't making you happy, figure how to fix it or make the decision to let it go. But always remember, you deserve happiness and only you can define what happiness means to you.