Motherhood 1 Month Later...

^^my sleepy head^^
Motherhood has been beautiful, difficult, rewarding, tiresome, blissful, frustrating and the most amazing thing I've ever experienced all in one. Grey is a pleasant baby who only cries when he's hungry and fusses when he's fighting sleep or during diaper changes. Otherwise, he's easy going like his mommy and you'd never know there's a baby in the house. He's the most precious little boy whose face I'm obsessed with staring at and can't help but to plant a million kisses on throughout the day. However there is also my lack of sleep, my feelings of failure with breast feeding (I'm still trying though), cabin fever and just the normal worrying that new mothers do. I sometimes feel that I'm not allowed to have bad days, because I wanted him so badly and know what it is like to loose a child. However, I have to remind myself that I'm still human and a new mom who is learning new things every day. I'm like everyone else in that respect. Then there are moments where my heart feels as though it's going to burst through my chest with love. I may wake up from a nap with his face right beside mine and I think I'm dreaming. I can't believe he's mine. I can't believe how much I love him and how much he loves me. He's the one person in world who thinks I'm perfect (for now) and just wants to be with me all the time. He makes me feel so special.

I'm getting used to my new role as a mother though it has come with some sobering realities as well. For example, I can't just leave the house (Baby must be fed, changed and the bag must be packed first...forget being on time anywhere...he runs my schedule and my life), accepting that I barely have anything in common with my best friends any more (I'm the only who is married and the only with a baby), and the huge responsibility I have to clothe, feed, and make sure this human being turns out to be a productive member of society. In the same breath, I've been lucky enough to have my Cousin Jan on the same journey with me. It was fun being pregnant together and now having her by my side as we make this life changing transition. And I guess it's safe for me to reveal that our Cousin Kim (you all know Kim by now lol)  is now pregnant and will be pushing a stroller with us on our Sunday walks in the park come summer. It definitely helps having people close to me to relate to and talk poop with. Even more exciting, I love that our children will all be the same age just like we are and grow up together just as we about following in the footsteps of our mothers.

In all, I'm enjoying motherhood. I'm getting use to the lack of sleep, accepting my short comings with breast feeding and I enjoy the simplicity being present with my child 24/7. Although I can't wait to do activities with him and hear him call me "mommy", I'm loving the newborn phase. I enjoy watching my husband transition into the role of being a father and mom as a grand mother is just the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. I'm content.