Dreams of Jolie

Jolie visits me in my dreams once in a while. It's not a frequent occurance as she probably knows I can't handle it. Truthfully, the one I had last night is the first one I've ever had that hasn't left me completely grief stricken the next day. They're never sad dreams...but dreams of the little girl that I'll never get a chance to physical see grow up nontheless. Oddly enough, in this last dream, she started off the newborn that I had a few hours with but by the end she appeared to be the age that she would have been now. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was - she kind of favored my youngest niece. I couldn't stop staring at her. At the end of the dream I was picking her up from school and she was just so excited to see me, it made my heart meltI now try to take solace in the fact that she let's me know every so often that she's around and I get to see her grow up. I hope to continue seeing her progression in my dreams and I I hope that one day she'll be able to speak to me. I'd love to hear her voice.

Yesterday as I thought about her, it felt as though I could practically feel my heart breaking with how much I missed her...but she always shows up right on time to let me know she's with me. I've gotten pretty good at once again being able to function in my every day life, but I'm always thinking about her. It's a normal thing for my sub-conscience to remember daily that I birthed a child that passed away. More challenging is that I have to remind myself, that although she died, I didn't and that it's ok to keep going. It's ok to keep living.