If Jolie Were Here

Today is one of those days. Those days when you beat yourself up and torture yourself to no end. I'm going through a stage when I keep wondering how my life would be different if Jolie were still here. What if she was able to pull through? What if she never came prematurely? What if I just had a normal pregnancy? What would she be doing? What kind of mom would I be?

When I was pregnant I started following tons of blogs of fellow pregnant women - I'm the only one with no baby. One blogger and I were both pregnant with a girls and we shared the same exact due date. Her little girl is now a healthy 4 months old. Mine is dead.
Once in a while someone will ask when I'm going to try for another baby, but I can't say I'm in that space right now. At this point, I don't want to have another baby, I want Jolie back. I want to go back time and fix everything...but life doesn't work that way, does it? I am doing my best. I'm getting better at coping - but some days are too much. Some days I'm sad. Other days I feel lonely. Today I'm angry.
...it's just one of those days...